It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
