the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
