so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Drunk is not a location!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
