wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
