dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
