I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
