The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
