420 ftw
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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