Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
