it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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