You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
