similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
