so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
