Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
