I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
