Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
