Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
