sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
