Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
