Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize