Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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