I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish i was in the wii world.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
