i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
