It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
