I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
