i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
