Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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