Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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