if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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