i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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