just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
