i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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