i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
