U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize