wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Randomize
