nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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