i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Who died my cat blue again?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize