U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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