For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
