The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
