I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
