it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
