Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Too much gin, very little bucket
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
BRING THE BAGELS
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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