In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
