glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
