Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
They are going to name an STD after you.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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