Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
