we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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