my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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