Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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