A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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