Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
How naked do you want me to be?
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