I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
