4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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