Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
