I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
