I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
