Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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