whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
