I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
