Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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