How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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