Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
