Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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