Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize