I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
