Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
