My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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