I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
