ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
A bitchslap is in order.
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