Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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