this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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