remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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