So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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