i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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