My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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