My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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