She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
