i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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