i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
