you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Randomize
