OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
