? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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