I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
