The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you win again, gameday.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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