how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize