i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
