I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
