i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize