dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I need a burrito and a hug.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
