you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
