Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
