Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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